Holding them close

Even though I don't personally know anyone affected by the Newtown shooting, it has shaken me in a way I will never forget. As many others, I watched the news coming in throughout the day and ached as I wept for those affected. I about jumped in the car to go pick up Grey from his kindergarten class but I knew he would want to ride the bus with his friends. Instead I watched the clock tick by all day with a knot in my stomach. I tried to distract myself by making my mom's caramel popcorn with Elise. 

My heart raced and I sobbed as I watched his bus pull up and quickly held him close. The following week as I watched his kindergarten holiday program and then went to Grey's classroom for a party, my eyes filled with tears. Every one of those rambunctious & silly children represent the sweet, loving and innocent children who were violently taken from this earth too soon.

I know there is a plan and I know those children and teachers are in a much, much better place. But it is hard to not feel overwhelmed as I recognize the evil that is so rampant in this world. I try hard to not judge others and to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but there really are terrible people who do utterly evil acts. I am just thankful to have the gospel at the center of my life and the knowledge that God is over all. He is the one in control. I wish I could protect their innocent little hearts from this world forever yet I recognize it is not part of the Lord's plan. I am grateful that I can at least make a difference in my home with my children by showing them the good in this world even when we may feel like the evil is too much. I have made a conscious effort to stop and snuggle my kids more, read an extra story or two and sing songs at bedtime. I choose to play a game with them and let the dishes sit for a few more minutes. I choose to teach them about Jesus Christ and a loving Father in Heaven. I still pray for the victims daily.  I wish I could do something for them. The pain they are dealing with is unimaginable but I know Heavenly Father will wrap his arms around them. For now I am going to squeeze my little ones again. We like to snuggle around here if you can't tell.